Now most of you after seeing this blog title will really think this is about arms like the body part but if you really know me you know otherwise. So yesterday I was just playing around on facebook and I had a heart attack and started hyperventilating, I even almost dopped the laptop I was in such shock because arms. is. engaged. Now Arms and I go wayyyyy back. We actually met on trek and I remember the exact moment I saw him and pretty much the first words that we exchanged. I was walking with Karlee Cooper past everyones carts and families and he was laying in his sleeping back and Karlee said something to him and I was like ohh heyy all flirty (or something else not appropriate for Trek but whatever). He sat up and smiled all big at us and said hi back. I remember running to my mom after Trek and pointing him out to her and it turns out his parents were actually my older sisters trek parents which is pretty funny. From there we saw eachother at church dances. The first one arms wanted to dance with me the whole time and even though I liked him I didnt like the idea. I remember him pointing out a group of girls who were dancing wildly to Kelly Clarkson and him going haha look at those crazy girls and I replied be quiet I know that you find that really attractive. The last song we both were looking for eachother but some guy asked me to dance and arms was pretty bummed. I also got to meet the love of his life Luna at Brian taits farewell who loved me instantly so it was pretty perfect. Luna is his dog btw and he loves her more than anything which i adore because i have had this obsession with dogs since i was a baby and hes so cute about it.
Over time we talked on the phone constantly, and I really do not like talking on the phone at all, especially to guys. The only two that I talked to all the time were arms and austin. We would talk about religion, school, and arms would rant on about thoreou and how he loved his idea of simplicity( I dont) and how he wanted to live in the mountains somewhere (I dont) I'd ask him to pick out what I should wear when I was going out. I dont think there was a topic we didnt hit. He is the only guy to ever call me salty when I would get a little attitude with him...and even though I made fun of him for it every chance I got I miss it. So eventually we went on a date actually just this past August and he even let me pick the movie. (which if a boy is willing to see a chick flick for/with you thats a good sign). So of course I picked The Time Travelers Wife..and he goes man my sister said youd pick something like this...hahaha yes I would.
Arms sees me.
"i thought you said you were gonna dress real cute for me?"
my eyes get really wide because I couldnt believe hed say that
"im just kidding you look great"
and so did he in his blue soccer jersey
So were sitting in the movie and it starts and its pretty obvious he is bored outta his mind with all his fidgeting and such. How bout a little conversation then.."dont you think Rachel Mcadams is really pretty?" He leans close to me (probably too close for my liking) "I think youre really pretty" I'm sorry that wasnt the question though. Oh I think I failed to mention just how charming the boy is and I really dont think theyre just lines with him because ive heard lines..a lot and hes always so sincere. He once told me then when i went out to utah i would be snatched up so fast and just the way he said it was adorable. I wish i could relisten to all of our phone conversations because they were amazing. Anyway back to the compliment, of course this response was received with a big smile. Then he started drawing little circles on my arm with his finger slowly working down to my hand. This was really really distracting. I could not even focus on the movie it was so distracting and so I eventually just said "do you wanna hold my hand?" My family is still appalled that I asked this and thinks its hilarious because it was so forward and i prob should have just waited but thats not really my style, i mean I thought it was a normal question..I guess I'm just supposed to wait til the boy holds my hand next time. I remember him complimenting me on how soft my hand was and he kept playing with it in his hand. After the movie he walked me to my car and we sat inside and listened some music for a while and then he eventually goes well I guess I better go...and he did. I think he wanted to kiss me, scratch that I know he did because he said he should have kissed me. I agree. Later on I had a cute message from him on facebook:
"So regardless of whether or not you liked the movie, (and it wasn't terrible btw), i had a really fun time with you. I know we didn't get to talk much, but that just gives us a reason to se each other again soon, as long as thats alright with you of course. anyway thanks for such a fun night."
I love it when you hang out with a guy and not long after you see him you get a text or something from him saying how he had fun. Its really thoughtful and cute. So things were great and 2 days later we were messaging back and forth and my standards came up and he got annoyed. (LONGGG story short) and he hasnt talked to me since. He has never gone this long without talking to me...ever and it really makes me so sad. For like 5 years we liked eachother on and off and for him to just cut me out of his life because I have strong morals isnt fair, i mean are your morals really that different. Okay just kidding i know the answer to this. I guess I'm just so bummed because I never really got any closure from him..I mean I dont know if I even deserved it because we didnt date although I think if we lived closer than like 30-45 minutes that would have been different because we were so close and we both always liked eachother. I wish he would just call me and tell me what happened or that we could still be friends...at least something. How can someone be such a big part of your life once and gone the next? I dont get it and I miss him. Oh well bye arms and goodluck on your engagement :)
Regardless of the ending, I still feel like I learned a lot from him..like that arms are pretty much my favorite part on a guy because of him and of course more important things and I know God has a reason for all things so theres probably many reasons hes not in my life anymore. I also learned that I have amazing friends (HC and AB) that I can turn to for anything. I really had to get this out of my head because Its really my only way of closure.
...although there is still a chance I'm being punked and Ashton is gonna hop out from behind my couch or something. I hope its this because finding out from facebook that someone who was once your best friend is engaged blows. and knowing youll probably never talk to him again blows more.