Sunday, February 17, 2013

iche liebe diche.

One day late at night [before curfew, dont worry.. :|] the boy and i were sitting in his car cuddling and talking. You jokingly give the boy a hard time about only liking you for your looks since his list of things he likes about you are all physical. just kidding lyle. and then the boy accidentally says "i dont just like you for your looks, i love you for who you are." and then you pause or ya know panic...either works. "what did you just say??" Boy utters nothing. Maybe he didnt hear you the first time so you repeat your question. Then the boy goes "well this is awkward, i guess i'm the one to say it first." I say nothing. Boy tells me he doesnt wanna freak me out. "But i didnt say i love you. Its too soon for that...." I try not to let on that i actually really liked it and pretended it freaked me out since i dont want things to move too fast. But then sometimes 3 days later he really says it. yes, he really held out...Lyle was going out of town...again...for two weeks. I like to remind lyle that out of the 7 weeks we've been talking hes been around for 3....even though we've known eachother for 4 months. just a random fact... one that i am none too fond of. Lyle just likes to go spend time with his frat bros. So it was the night before he was heading to Arizona...last night to be exact and we are hanging out and i have something to tell him. Lyle tries convincing me to tell him, i think at this point he knows what i want to say. "I just really like you. really really like you." Lyle seems pleased with this response but uh, he already knows...He can tell i still have something on my mind. He moves away and just looks at me. I then go on about how i dont talk about my feelings. I then start to ramble and it sounds a little something like this: ahem"i dont loveee you. I mean how i feel about you is synonymous to love like....ok i cant think of any words like it and i hope i am using the word synonymous correctly and well its more than like and i dont know exactly what love is and this is all new for me" lyle interrupts to tell me its all new for him too and that its okay. I remind him about the other girls hes kissed and then continue rambling " i love my family but its obviously different with you and i've never said it to anyone before and i dont wanna say it and be wrong. Like what if i think i know what love is and i'm wrong and i'm just attached to you and this isnt really love because i know it sounds dumb but how do you know when its love and not just like. Okay i'm gonna put my coat on now and get out of the car before i embarrass myself further." Lyle is grinning from ear to ear. He meets me on the other side of the car and reaches for my hand and we walk to the front of my apt and he kisses me goodbye. He pauses in front of me and is quiet for a second. He then says kinda quietly "i love you cait." I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. "are you sure?" better than thank you right? even though theres no doubt in my mind bc i can tell my the way he looks at me and talks to me but the words just come out and then he says " yes, i love you so much." I move my arms from the side of his face to around his neck and tell him how happy i am. I respond with " i think i kinda love you too" and smile. Lyle tells me its okay, i'll know when i feel it and i said i do. And now i want to hear him tell me that all the time and im all nonchalant about it and throwing it all around like

  Later that night i texted him asking how long he knew and he responded with "since i got back from AZ. That time away from you helped me realize it." Uh that was two weeks ago people. We had been "dating" for less than a month. crazyyy. And then sometimes you think how soon is too soon to say it? And sometimes overanalyzing occurs and you start thinking about how long it takes you to fall in love with babies or puppies are instantaneous but boys are never. Unless they start with Ryan and end in Gosling...And then sometimes you find yourself googling the definition of love to find an exact definition because you are so dumb when it comes to love but then you realize its different for everyone. Yes lyle, i googled it, you can make fun of me now. So to sum it, yes, the L bomb has been dropped.

sike! sorry, its too easy
xoxo CAIT xoxo

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